Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week!
Showing posts with label Blonde Sms Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blonde Sms Jokes. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Confused Blonde
Q: How can you confuse a blonde?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Concentrate
Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.
A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.
Number Eleven
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven?
A: She didn't know what number came first.
A: She didn't know what number came first.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Wanna Hear A Blonde Joke
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Blonde Works In The Dark
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!
A: The blonde works in the dark!
Blonde Walk Into Perfume Shop
One day two blondes walk into a perfume shop. The one blonde picks up a bottle of perfume that is titled "Viens Chez Moi."
The blonde asks the manager what it means, and the manager says it means, "Come to Me."
So the blonde smells the perfume and asks her friend, "Does this smell like come to you? Because it doesn't smell like come to me."
Read more: http://www.funenclave.com/sms-messages/blonde/index.html#ixzz0sCfAJTsV
The blonde asks the manager what it means, and the manager says it means, "Come to Me."
So the blonde smells the perfume and asks her friend, "Does this smell like come to you? Because it doesn't smell like come to me."
Read more: http://www.funenclave.com/sms-messages/blonde/index.html#ixzz0sCfAJTsV
Thursday, July 1, 2010
complete And Finish
First Blonde: What is the difference between "complete and finish"?
Second Blonde: When you marry a right person you are complete and when you marry the wrong one, you are finished !!!!!
Second Blonde: When you marry a right person you are complete and when you marry the wrong one, you are finished !!!!!
India Blonde Decides To Study English
An Indian Blonde decides to study English. She learns an essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam an essay on 'FATHER' comes.
She replaced friend with father in the essay. It read:
I am a very fatherly person, I have many fathers. Some of my fathers are male and some are female. I have a new neighbor, I wish to make him my new father.
She replaced friend with father in the essay. It read:
I am a very fatherly person, I have many fathers. Some of my fathers are male and some are female. I have a new neighbor, I wish to make him my new father.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Blonde Boy And Blond Girld Apply For Divorce
Blond Boy and Blond Girl apply for divorce.
Judge: You have 3 children, how will you divide them equally.
Blond girl thinks for a moment and tells Blonde Boy: "Dear, let's move home, we will apply for divorce after 9 months. "
Judge: You have 3 children, how will you divide them equally.
Blond girl thinks for a moment and tells Blonde Boy: "Dear, let's move home, we will apply for divorce after 9 months. "
India Blonde Decides To Study English
An Indian Blonde decides to study English. She learns an essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam an essay on 'FATHER' comes.
She replaced friend with father in the essay. It read:
I am a very fatherly person, I have many fathers. Some of my fathers are male and some are female. I have a new neighbor, I wish to make him my new father.
She replaced friend with father in the essay. It read:
I am a very fatherly person, I have many fathers. Some of my fathers are male and some are female. I have a new neighbor, I wish to make him my new father.
Complete And Finish
First Blonde: What is the difference between "complete and finish"?
Second Blonde: When you marry a right person you are complete and when you marry the wrong one, you are finished !!!!!
Second Blonde: When you marry a right person you are complete and when you marry the wrong one, you are finished !!!!!
Non Stop Flight
On a plane flight from Seattle to Chicago, a blonde was sitting in economy class. About half way through the flight, she got up and moved to an empty seat in first class. A flight attendant who observed this, went over to her and politely explained that she had to move back to economy class because that was what her ticket was for. The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago and I'm staying right here."
After several attempts to explain to the blonde why she had to return to economy class, the flight attendant gave up. She went to the cockpit and explained the situation to the pilot and co-pilot. The co-pilot said, "Let me try." He went up to the blonde and politely tried to explain to her why she needed to return to her seat in economy class.
But the blonde only replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago and I'm staying right here." Frustrated, the co-pilot returned to the cockpit. He suggested that perhaps they should have the airline call the police and have her arrested when they land.
"Wait a minute," said the pilot. "Did you say she's blonde? I can handle this. My wife is a blonde. I speak Blonde." So he went up to the woman sitting in first class and whispered something in her ear.
"I'm sorry," said the blonde, and she promptly got up and returned to her seat in economy class.
"What did you say to her?" ask the astonished flight attendant and co-pilot.
To which the pilot replied, "I just told her that first class isn't going to Chicago."
After several attempts to explain to the blonde why she had to return to economy class, the flight attendant gave up. She went to the cockpit and explained the situation to the pilot and co-pilot. The co-pilot said, "Let me try." He went up to the blonde and politely tried to explain to her why she needed to return to her seat in economy class.
But the blonde only replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago and I'm staying right here." Frustrated, the co-pilot returned to the cockpit. He suggested that perhaps they should have the airline call the police and have her arrested when they land.
"Wait a minute," said the pilot. "Did you say she's blonde? I can handle this. My wife is a blonde. I speak Blonde." So he went up to the woman sitting in first class and whispered something in her ear.
"I'm sorry," said the blonde, and she promptly got up and returned to her seat in economy class.
"What did you say to her?" ask the astonished flight attendant and co-pilot.
To which the pilot replied, "I just told her that first class isn't going to Chicago."
Why Won't They Hire Blonde Pharmacist?
Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
A blonde saw a "¿" on her computer screen and asked another blonde,
"How do you do that?" She responded . . .
"Simple, turn the keyboard upside down!"
(Submitted by: Penney)
Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q: Have you heard what my blond neighbor wrote on the bottom of her swimming pool?
A: No smoking.
Q: What does a blond do when someone says its chili outside?
A: She grabs a bowl.
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. c0pyr|ghta!haj0k3s
Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
A blonde saw a "¿" on her computer screen and asked another blonde,
"How do you do that?" She responded . . .
"Simple, turn the keyboard upside down!"
(Submitted by: Penney)
Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q: Have you heard what my blond neighbor wrote on the bottom of her swimming pool?
A: No smoking.
Q: What does a blond do when someone says its chili outside?
A: She grabs a bowl.
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. c0pyr|ghta!haj0k3s
Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Once There Was A Blonde
There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes
she'd hear at the office. So one evening she went home and
memorized all of the state capitals. Back in the office the next day,
some guy started telling a Dumb Blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes.
I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and
did something probably none of you could do.
I memorized all the state capitals.
One of the guys said, "I don't believe you."
She said, "It's true. Just test me!"
"Okay. What is the capital of Alaska?" he asked.
"A," she answered, smugly.
she'd hear at the office. So one evening she went home and
memorized all of the state capitals. Back in the office the next day,
some guy started telling a Dumb Blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes.
I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and
did something probably none of you could do.
I memorized all the state capitals.
One of the guys said, "I don't believe you."
She said, "It's true. Just test me!"
"Okay. What is the capital of Alaska?" he asked.
"A," she answered, smugly.
Yo Mama So Uglly
Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said “Sorry, no professionals.”
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said “What a treasure!” and her father said “Yes, let’s go bury it.”
Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
Yo mama so ugly they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower
Yo mama so ugly they didn’t give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say “Wow, is it Halloween already?”
Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.
Yo mama so ugly they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower!
Yo mama so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!
Yo mama so ugly they put her in dough and made monster cookies!
Yo mama so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!
Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her!
Yo mama so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn’t date her!
Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
Yo mama so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
Yo mama so ugly The NHL banned her for life
Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!
Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday!
Yo mama so ugly if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects!
Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints
Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry!
Yo mama so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
Yo mama so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
Yo mama so ugly she scares the roaches away.
Yo mama so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!
Yo mama so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said “What a treasure!” and her father said “Yes, let’s go bury it.”
Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
Yo mama so ugly they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower
Yo mama so ugly they didn’t give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say “Wow, is it Halloween already?”
Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.
Yo mama so ugly they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower!
Yo mama so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!
Yo mama so ugly they put her in dough and made monster cookies!
Yo mama so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!
Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her!
Yo mama so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn’t date her!
Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
Yo mama so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
Yo mama so ugly The NHL banned her for life
Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!
Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday!
Yo mama so ugly if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects!
Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints
Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry!
Yo mama so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
Yo mama so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
Yo mama so ugly she scares the roaches away.
Yo mama so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!
Yo mama so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects.
Yo mama so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.
Surprize Prize
A blonde goes to the local restaurant, buys a small drink for herself, and sits down to drink it. She notices a peel-off prize sticker on the side of her cup while she is drinking. After pulling off the tab, she begins screaming, “I won a motor home! I won a motor home!”
The waitress runs over and argues, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stereo system!”
The waitress runs over and argues, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stereo system!”
She Became A Man
Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie’s lamp.
After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, The Genie said, “I will grant three wishes, one for each of you.”
The first said, “I wish I were smarter.”
So, she became a redhead.
The second blonde said, “I wish I were smarter than she is.”
She became a brunette.
The third blond ordered, “I wish I were smarter than both of them!”
So, she became a man.
After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, The Genie said, “I will grant three wishes, one for each of you.”
The first said, “I wish I were smarter.”
So, she became a redhead.
The second blonde said, “I wish I were smarter than she is.”
She became a brunette.
The third blond ordered, “I wish I were smarter than both of them!”
So, she became a man.
Why Are Blonde Jokes So Short?
Q : Why are blonde jokes so short?
A : So men can remember them.
Q : Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
A : Because they can understand them
Q : How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A : Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q : What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A : They're both empty from the neck up.
Q : Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A : From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK"
Q : Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A : So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills
Q : What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A : Far-from-thinking
Q : Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A : They keep breaking them with the hammers.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tripped on the cordless phone
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put Leo
If she spoke her mind, she would be speechless
When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved
Q : What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A : She slipped off and fell down the drain
Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her months to figure out she could use it at night
Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice? Because it said "concentrate"
What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring
Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can t fit the bottle in the typewriter
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!!
What are two reasons why blondes don't mind their own business? No mind. No business
Why did 18 blondes go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed
Two blondes were driving to Tokyo Disneyland when they saw a sign that read, "Tokyo Disneyland Left", so they turned around and went home
Why did the blonde dye her hair red? Instant Intelligence!
Why do blondes drive BMWs? Because they can spell it
A : So men can remember them.
Q : Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
A : Because they can understand them
Q : How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A : Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q : What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A : They're both empty from the neck up.
Q : Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A : From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK"
Q : Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A : So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills
Q : What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A : Far-from-thinking
Q : Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A : They keep breaking them with the hammers.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tripped on the cordless phone
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put Leo
If she spoke her mind, she would be speechless
When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved
Q : What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A : She slipped off and fell down the drain
Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her months to figure out she could use it at night
Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice? Because it said "concentrate"
What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring
Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can t fit the bottle in the typewriter
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!!
What are two reasons why blondes don't mind their own business? No mind. No business
Why did 18 blondes go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed
Two blondes were driving to Tokyo Disneyland when they saw a sign that read, "Tokyo Disneyland Left", so they turned around and went home
Why did the blonde dye her hair red? Instant Intelligence!
Why do blondes drive BMWs? Because they can spell it
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)