A Woman Was Sleeping In Her Bed

A woman was sleeping in her bed when her husband crashing through the front door at 3 am waked her up. He staggered and tried to get up the stairs, " what are you doing" she shouted, the husband replies " I’m trying to get a gallon of beer up the stairs" "leave it down there" she bellowed "I cant" he replied " I’ve drunk it".

Three Vampires Walk Into A Bar

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."

The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I would like some blood."

The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I would like some plasma."

The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"

A Blonde, A Brunette And A Redhead Went Into A Bar

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:

Brunette: “I’ll have a B and C.”
Bartender:“What is a B and C?”.

Brunette: “Bourbon and Coke.”
Redhead: “And, I’ll have a G and T.”
Bartender: “What’s a G and T?”
Redhead: “Gin and tonic.”
Blonde: “I’ll have a 15.”
Bartender: “What’s a 15?”
Blonde: “7 and 7″

A Conversation Between A Bartender And A Man

A conversation between a bartender and a man:

Bartender: What happened? You look wrecked!

Man: I had it all – Money, A beautiful house, The love of a beautiful woman…..

Bartender: Then… what went wrong?

Man: Well, then my wife found out!

Bar Jokes in Hindi- Sharabi 3 Manzil Se Neeche Gira

Sharabi 3 Manzil Se neeche Gira aur Uske aas-Pas Log Jama Ho gaye. Logo Ne Sharabi Se Puchha-kya hua.? Sharabi-pata Nahi bhaya, Mein Bhi Abhi-2 Aaya Hun..

Hindi Bar Jokes- Sharabi Ne Kasam Li

Daru ki vajah se barbad sharabi ne kasam li aur ghar se daru ki khali bottles fekne laga 1st fek k bola-Teri vajah se meri nokri gai 2nd fek k bola-Teri vajah se mera ghar bika 3rd fek k bola-Teri vajah se meri Biwi chali gai 4th uthai to wo bhari hui nikli to bola-Tu side me ho ja tera koi kasur nahi..!

He Is So Drunk, He Thinks He Is Me

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside.

He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing.

"What's so funny?" the bartender asked.

"That stupid Dave!" the fellow chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"

A Neutrom Walks Into A Bar

A neutron walks into a bar. “I’d like a beer” he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer.

“How much will that be?” asks the neutron.

“For you?” replies the bartender, “No charge”

Guy Looking At His Drink

There was a guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.

The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me.

Paddy And Seamus Were Walking Home From The Pub

Paddy and Seamus were walking home from the pub. Paddy says to Seamus, ‘What a beautiful night, look at the moon.’

Seamus stops and looks at Paddy, ‘You are wrong, that’s not the moon, that’s the sun.’ Both started arguing for a while when they come upon a real drunk walking in the other direction, so they stopped him.

‘Sir, could you please help settle our argument?

Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that’s shining. Is it the moon or the sun?’ The drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them, and said,

‘Sorry, I don’t live around here.’

A Seaman Meets A Pirate In A Bar

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

The seaman asks, “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?” The pirate replies, “We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.”

“Wow!” said the seaman. “What about your hook”? “Well”, replied the pirate, “We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off.”

“Incredible!” remarked the seaman. “How did you get the eye patch”? “A seagull dropping fell into my eye,” replied the pirate.

“You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?,” the sailor asked incredulously. “Well,” said the pirate, “It was my first day with my hook”

10 Signs of being Drunk Too Much

# The whole bar says ‘Hi’ when you come in…
# Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
# Hey, five beers has just as many calories as a burger, so forget dinner!
# You can focus better with one eye closed.
# Two hands and just one mouth… – now that’s a drinking problem!
# 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case – coincidence? – I think not!
# Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
# Your job is interfering with your drinking.
# You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
# You argue with non-living objects and still you lose the argument.

A Man Has A Few More Drinks

A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, "I'll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye." The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it.

He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man can't possibly have two glass eyes. The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.

As She Was Unloading Her Items

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,"You must be single."

An Irish Man Walks Into A Bar

An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" "Ahh," says the Irish man, "it's drivin' me nuts!"

Sharabi Eyes Donate Krne Gya

Shrabi eyes donate krne gya, Countr clerk asks: kuch kehna chahte ho? Sharabi: jise lagao usay bta dena ye do peg ke baad khulti hai..

MRF Da Tyre De De

Santa And Banta In A Bar Talking With Each Other

Santa: Yaar mein apni girlfriend nu gift dena hai, ki devan?
Banta: Gold ring de de.
Santa: Koi vadi cheez das yaar.
Banta: Tan fer MRF da tyre de de.

Judge To Sharabi Punjabi

1. Judge:Tum Teesri Bar Adalat Me AaRhe Ho,Tumhe Shram Nahi Aati?
Sharabi Punjabi:- Oh janab Tusi Roz Aanday O,Tuwano aandi ae?

I Am Turning The Heating Off

A man comes in to the room and says to his wife, "I'm going to the pub. Get your coat on."
The wife, overjoyed that he has included her in his activity replies, "Does that mean that you are taking me with you, darling?"
The husband replies, "No - I'm turning the heating off."

There Goes My Neighbour

There’s this drunk man standing out on the street corner.

A cop passes by and says, “What do you think you’re doing?”

The drunk says, “I heard the world goes around every 24 hours and I’m waiting on my house. Won’t be long now, there goes my neighbour.”